


Phantom limb

by yuume



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-12
Updated: 2014-02-12
Packaged: 2018-01-12 03:13:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1181233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuume/pseuds/yuume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based of a doujin by P:id=1947576. </p><p>‘Out of all the possibilities he envisioned their first meeting, he never imagined this.’</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phantom limb

**Author's Note:**

> To read the translated of the doujin this fic is based off of. Go to http://rivialle-heichou.tumblr.com/post/69200052151/another-doujin-translation-by-me-t-n-another.

Phantom limb. A condition in which you feel an amputated limb as if it’s still there. A condition where the more you think about it the more painful it gets.

And in the most ineloquent way this symbolized the surface of the first nineteen years of Eren’s life.

_Heichou_

As a child he always knew something was missing. At that time he couldn’t really pin point what exactly he needed, but he knew something was off.

_Heichou!_

The older he got, the more intense that nagging feeling got. It didn’t matter if he was with friends or family, he still felt lonely. Girls could throw themselves at him, professing their love but he still felt unloved. 

It didn’t matter what he was doing or what he was given, he was unhappy.

_Heichou! Look!_

He knew the symptoms were that of depression. 

That’s right, it was depression. That’s all it was…depression.

_Abnormal on our left!_

The night he turned 17 was the first time he had that  _dream._ It was so vivid, almost as if it were a memory instead of simple nonsense made up by his unconscious. 

He dreamt of a far of land, where monsters existed. Monsters that looked like humans. A place drenched in the blood of fallen comrades. A world where having loved ones proved to be an emotional burden.

_Heichou!_

Who was this ‘heichou’ and why did the simple sound of that name make his heart clench. How was it possible that a simple honorifics could bring him to his knees, gasping for air as tears brimmed the lining of his eyes? 

_Heichou, I’m sorry_

From that point on, every night he had similar dreams. Each time he would wake up screaming and drenched in sweat. 

No medication worked. It was almost as it nothing was strong enough to knock him out. 

_Watch out! Heichou!_

He knew how terrible he must have looked. Eyes sunken and unnaturally pale. No energy to do anything. 

As weeks droned on, those dreams got progressively worse and the nagging feeling in his chest grew. He felt like he was so close to remembering something important. So close he could almost feel his finger tips graze the surface.

So close.

So damn close.

Leaning back against the head board of his bed, he closed his eyes. Maybe..just maybe if he forced himself to sleep, those dreams might help him remember.

_Eren! Stay behind me!_

He lurched forward, his hand on his mouth as tears trailed down. That voice, that face it was all too familiar. And just like that the cogs in his head turned and the pieces of that life-long puzzle fell into place.

He remembered the confident strode he had when he led his squad into battle

He remembered the way his grey eyes carried a hint of sadness

He remembered the countless times he risked his life to save him.

Most importantly he remembered the promise they made.

_Eren, let’s advance humanity_

He remembered.

“Heichou…”

That simple utterance brought another flood of emotions through him. Almost as if it were a form of catharsis, he felt that nagging feeling slowly lift.

“Heichou…” He repeated this time louder.

His heart eased a bit more

“Heichou!” He was shouting by now, but he didn’t care. 

He remembered. 

After two years of dealing with those horrid dreams, he finally remembered.

_And once humanity is saved…_

Not long after, his overall health got better. He found his purpose in life. 

He found Heichou.

On numerous occasions he found himself wondering, what was heichou doing right now? Was he still vulgar? Was he still anal about cleanliness? Did he remember? 

These questions gave him hope. Who knows, maybe just maybe heichou thought about him. Maybe heichou was going through the same emotional catharsis. Maybe he was looking him also.

For the first time in 19 years a genuine smile spread across his face. His heichou could be possibly looking for him right now.

_Eren at that time, I want you…_

Two months into his search for heichou, fate came to his side.  He was strolling through the small park near his university when he stumbled across his beloved heichou. 

As they say. ‘Fate strikes when you least expect it’

There he stood, in the midst of cherry blossoms dressed in all white. His suit freshly pressed and laundered. His hair slicked back, and the corner of his lips curved up. 

Unlike the heichou in his memories, this one looked at peace. 

He looked happy.

“Heichou! Levi Heichou!” He watched at the man turned his eyes towards him. 

Those grey eyes. Those familiar grey eyes.

He ran. Dropping all those worries and anxieties he ran towards his heichou.

“What do you want, brat”

He felt his heart stutter. The way ‘brat’ rolled off Levi’s tongue brought back memories of when they first met.

“It’s me!” He jabbed a finger at his chest. “It’s me, Eren!”

“Hello Eren, I’m Levi.” He watched as Levi extended out a hand in a formal manner. In a manner that resembled two strangers meeting instead of long lost friends.

Out of all the possibilities he envisioned their first meeting, he never imagined this. Maybe it was his own naivety but in his mind he always believed that Levi would remember him. There wasn’t a shadow of a doubt that he wouldn’t.

“Hei-” The words died in his mouth, as he watched a taller blond male appear by heichou’s side. Wrapping his arms around his waist in almost a romantic fashion, he gave him a dazzling smile.

That nagging feeling returned. Almost as if there were an invisible force pulling him, he took a step back. Their clothing… This scenery…

_…to marry me_

It was a wedding.

Never in his life had he wanted to scream more than now. How could Levi do this to him? What about his promise? What happened to them being together after humanity was saved?

What happened?

What went wrong?

It wasn’t suppose to be like this

This was suppose to be his…no their happy ending.

He wanted to rip Levi away from the other male. He wanted to cry, to rip his own hair out, he wanted his happy ending…

“Eren?”

That low baritone voice reached his ears. No matter how much he wanted to reject this reality, it was happening. 

Blinking away tears, he plastered on a false smile.

“Congratulations”

This was never meant to be his happy ending.


End file.
